Fear of Intimacy

 

Fear appears to be general and triggered by myriad external events or circumstances. This is not strictly speaking correct. Fear is constantly present in someone who believes him or herself to be separate from the energy of love. External circumstances simply bring the latent fear of separation to the surface. Even the fear of a mouse or a spider is the irrational – yet all too powerful - feeling of being alone to battle the mouse which is “the enemy”. The fear of separation, or isolation, arises from the three fundamental and most basic aspects of human existence – love, sex and death.

 Love

The human’s greatest longing is for love. From the moment of physical birth to the last moment of life, man and woman craves to love and to be loved. The longing is so overwhelming, that if not satisfied through the right level of parental intimacy, the child may repress the longing to such an extent that the heart closes and the life force becomes trapped in the anus, genitals and solar plexus. With consciousness and life force stuck in the lower energy centres, the child (who becomes the adolescent; who becomes the adult) walks through their life ‘upside down’. Instead of experiencing life with consciousness and feeling centred in the region of the heart and the expansive subtle mind, his or her consciousness is trapped in the ‘earthy’ centres. This means that they are usually unable to breathe properly or get beyond self critical judgements of themselves on the basis of physical appearance or achievement. They will come to the conclusion that they are fundamentally damaged, flawed or in some way abnormal and incapable of love. They will try too hard to please people in order to buy love, ensuring that they succeed only in alienating others. Feeling cut off from love and believing their unworthiness, their everyday experience is that of inner terror. It is the making of a terrorist.

 Sex

Fear attaches itself to sex for a multiplicity of reasons. Sex appears to offer validation of one being worthy of love. Sex offers the illusion of joining two people – at least momentarily. Sex is the right of passage to normality. Sex seems to be the only means to immortality, by re-producing one’s self through procreation. Sex suggests fulfilment. Sex is synonymous with happiness in our society. We are told that sex means success. We believe that it is good for us. On the other hand, if we don’t have sex we feel deprived, unloved, unfulfilled, unworthy, faulty, damaged, isolated, rejected. No wonder it is a primal root of fear.

 Death

If there is something that should unite the world it is the fact that we all share one thing in common – we will all experience dying.  Look around a crowded city centre, a market place or a packed train carriage; remind yourself that everyone there will die and at least half of them will also experience the loss of their closest and most loved one during their own life-time. It doesn’t matter whether they are rich or poor, male or female; dying does not discriminate between cultures, nationalities, profession, social rank or sexual orientation. Very few people in the world are free from the fear of death. Even fewer actually look forward to it for positive reasons. Much of this fear is because of a lack of information about what it is going to be like to die, and especially, after we have died. In the West death is still a taboo subject; in the modern East death has been hijacked by exoteric literalist interpretations of sacred texts. In America, it is fashionable to invent and market products or medications designed to delay or cheat death; they will not work and intuition allows the whole world ‘deep down’ to know it. Religion helps to comfort people in their grief but do not help us to heal. Religion does not tell us where our departed loved ones are after they have died. Religion talks about ‘Heaven’ but also talks about ‘Hell’ so you “pay’s yer money and yur take’s yer choice’. Religion also talks a lot about Judgement Day and God’s Wrath; it tells us about the Last Trumpet Sound and all sorts of unintelligible myth and symbol. It is no wonder that people put off researching about dying, death and the states of consciousness beyond physical death. Yet there is an ever growing plethora of data, phenomena, anecdote, literature and direct experience that is available to anyone who really needs – or wants - to be healed of the fear of death. If consciousness is the ground of ultimate reality as is rapidly becoming the accepted wisdom of the quantum physicists, metaphysicians and new scientists, joining at last the ancient yogis, rishis, mystics, masters and avatars then dying, death and the ‘after-life’ are continuous states within the spectrum of consciousness. Death itself is a state of transition. Fear of death is definitely curable.

Love, Life and Death

It is interesting to see the connection between the primal roots of fear itself. Love, intimacy, sexuality, self, survival and immortality are all, in essence, one and the same thing. All fear is trapped energy. When consciousness and life-force energy is released from the closed lower centres, all fear is removed because the patient’s awareness has now created a new level of feeling and experience. With willpower regained, his or her choices become different. She finds herself in places where she would not have previously dared to go. She meets new people who are there and she does not meet people who she had previously been trying desperately to avoid. The universal laws of attraction and magnetism take affect. She falls in romantic love. She lives happily ever after. Thankfully, that is the outcome for many though obviously not for all. After all, this is the “hero’s journey”.